Looks cool, horribly impractical. Those top shelves will stay empty forever, and that upper most level will never be read.
Watch the trailer here!
That’s right ladies, it’s all about positive thinking. Dream it, envision it, chant it over a fire where you burn fistfuls of his pubic hair- you have to manifest it! Seize that day, give it a shoulder length hair cut and outfit it with a new attitude!We here at “Let’s Make Money Off the Fact that You’re Single and Feeling Adventurous” want to capitalize on your thinly veiled loneliness. We make posters that encourage single girls to get out there and really shake things up, make some moves, do things that in theory or in a sequel to Under the Tuscan Sun would totally be plausible but, in reality are really unsafe and expensive. Move to another country! Take up a new language! Sleep with an uncircumcised European! We have a variety of posters for the average girl who just needs that special pick me up after, seeing their ex with another girl, going through a break up or had to deal with the annoyance that is an unreturned text.
Stop Waiting For Friday: That’s right girls, you’re stressed and depressed, that means work obligations and other people’s work expectations from you can wait. It’s Tuesday at 11am and you’re taking a staycation. You’re gonna cut out of work early, screw all those insensitive coworkers at Air Traffic Control, they can land those 500 planes themselves, you need some me time! Head home, give yourself a pedicure and enjoy a yogurt that regulates your digestive track. Then you’re gonna eat some Special K: CHOCOLATE THUNDER FUCK, watch Failure to Launch then take a massive dump. Sometimes a girl has just got to get away.Stop Waiting For Summer: We are all about empowering women to make their own decisions and march to the beat of their own drum. You don’t need to wait for summer to break out that bathing suit. Go ahead girl, throw on that bikini and head outside in Michigan in November. Freeze your tits off, you don’t need a man! ICE NIPPLES, FUCK YEAH!For Someone To Fall In Love With You:You don’t have to wait for someone to fall in love with you in order to love them! That’s stalker rule #1. Don’t worry if he doesn’t love you now, or even knows you exist, he will. Once he sees how much you love him, once he sees your devotion to him, once he sees how you broke in and rearranged his furniture while he was out of town! He will love you! All you have to do is get his attention! All you have to do is flirt with him! All you have to do is kill his wife!It’s gonna be so easy. You’ll take the night shift at Winchell’s, that way your husband will be sleeping anyway when you get home at 6:30am. You’ll cut out of work a little early, telling them you’re gong to the bank to deposit the evenings’ cash, you’ve done this before, Houman won’t suspect a thing. You’ll speed to the bank, earning yourself as much free time as possible. It will be 5:30am when you leave the donut shop, so you can make it to the bank and be done by 5:45, you’re due home at 6:30, so you have 45 minutes to get to Garry’s house and kill his wife in her sleep. You’ll take Fountain, even though there’s no traffic, it’ll save you a little time and you’re gonna need every extra second in case she puts up a fight. What’s her name again? Shondra? Ugh, she so would put up a fight for her life with a name like that, right?She left the back door open, perfect. You sneak in. You’re wearing gloves because you don’t wait for summer and you sure as hell don’t wait for winter, so, even in August, you were already wearing them. They live in a one level house, thank God because you did cardio at the gym this morning and Carrie really worked you guys, your quads are killing you, thank GOD you don’t have to climb stairs. You navigate your way to the master bedroom. There she is, sleeping, ugh, in what should be your bed. What’s that on the arm chair? Stuffed animals? Ugh, Gary married a child, he needs a woman, he needs you. “HE NEEDS MEEEH!” you bleat out like a rabid sheep into the night. “HE NEEDS MEEEEEHHHHHH!” you shriek as you throw yourself atop of Shonda’s sleeping body. She startles awake, ready for action. Little Miss perfect, always prepared, typical Shonda. You wrestle, it’s super awkward for Shonda because she is only in a t shirt so her vagina is like, all over the place. You’ve surprise attacked her so you have the immediate advantage as you wrap your gloved hands around her neck. If this were a movie, she’d feel for a blunt object on a nearby nigh stand and bludgeon you with it. But this isn’t a movie, this is real life and in real life, no one keeps dense objects by the bed. I mean, maybe an alarm clock but like, for example, I have like a water bottle and some glasses for TV watching, that’s it. Shonda reaches for anything but all she comes in contact with are a stack of papers, she bats at you with them, you remain undeterred in your murderous endeavors. You press your fingers deeper and deeper into her throat, you can feel your palms pressing up against her larynx, each sound, each breath, vibrating against your skin. It’s not enough to cut off Shonda’s air supply, you want to expedite the killing by simultaneously crushing her wind pipe as you cut off the oxygen. She claws at your hands, your fleece protected hands. She makes every attempt to move, flailing her legs wildly, her vagina flapping in the night air. As you choke her, you can’t help but start to smile. With every breath she selfishly gasps for, you can feel yourself growing closer to Garry. Just a few… More… Gasps. It’s as if Garry is behind you, caressing you, urging you to finish. You must kill her, it’s the only way you and Garry can be together. Even in dying Shonda is trying to keep you from him. You bear down, putting all of your weight on her throat. You lower your face to hers, eye to eye because nothing would make Garry happier than to know you watched the life slip out of her annoying brown eyes. You open your mouth and let out a slow and noxious puff of guttural coffee breath, right in her face. Why? Because it’s… Super gross. You look down, there are finger bruises speckling Shonda’s neck as she lies there, dead. Her eyes glazed over staring out at nothing. Nothing behind them, no intentions, no thoughts, not even the dimmest flicker of light. You’ve killed her. Garry will be so proud when he discovers her body and truly feels your love for him. Then he will know. Then everyone will know. You check the clock, 6:23. It’s perfect. 2 times 3 is 6. 6 times 6 is 36. 6 divided by 3 is 2. 2. Like a couple. You and Garry. The math is clearly written in the stars. You crawl off of Shonda’s lifeless body, her vagina is still out, you cover it up, sheesh, Shonda, have some respect for yourself. Today’s monday. Garry won’t be back from his business trip till friday. You could have done it later in the week but you’ve stopped waiting for friday.